2005-08-29 - 6:23 p.m.

I am sweating my ass off in the office right now. Although it would be nice to have no ass (though I'd prefer, really, to sweat off my thighs or my stomach, if I had a choice), this may be a short entry. Not sure I can stand it very long...

It was a busy weekend at the Jenistar household. Kirk and I ventured out on Saturday night to watch his mom get her 20-year medallion at AA. Thinking about this makes me shake my head. Hard. 20 years is a loooooooooong time.

I'll openly admit that I have a hard time understanding alcoholism. Not that it exists--I've seen it up close and personal, thanks. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the concept of having something else take over your life like that.

I'm not a big drinker. Nine times out of ten, I choose not to have a drink. It's not a big sacrifice to me. I'm a ridiculous lightweight. After two drinks, I move toward vomiting, and I really hate vomiting. After the first drink, I'm very, very silly and my boundaries are pretty nonexistant. It's usually easier for me to just say no to begin with, thereby removing any chance of embarrassing myself or hugging the toilet. Not that I have any trouble stopping after one drink, mind you. I can make one drink last all night. (ANd yes, even if it lasts all night, I still tend toward the silly and boundaryless).

All that said, I have a hard time understanding where the inability to say no, to stop after "enough," to walk away when it's time--where that comes from. It's much like my inability to fathom eating disorders. I can't imagine *choosing* not to feed myself. I'm lucky on both those counts, I guess.

This doesn't mean that I have no *sympathy* for people who DO find themselves in situations where something else takes over their lives. I just have no *empathy*, and there is a big difference.

Anyway, it's been 20 years since Betsy stopped drinking, and that is an amazing accomplishment, and I'm very glad that we could be there for her when it was recognized.

Dammit--baby's up. I'll have to finish this later...


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